Midlife crisis? What midlife crisis? Middle-aged men are now more likely to buy a fast bike rather than a fast car, but what other signs of midlife crisis have changed over the years?
11 Aug 2010, by in TRICHOLOGIST
by Phil Daoust
The way it was: modern men in crisis are no longer turning to a Porsche to sort them out. Photograph: Alamy
Car v bike
Then: men in need of glamour headed to the car showroom for a topless MGB Roadster.
Now: they visit the bike shop. At Evans Cycles, £6,700 will buy a Pinarello Dogma 60.1 Sky Edition 2010 road bike. One happy mature owner says it’s “just a run-around to get me to and from work”, but it’s also good if you’re looking to show off.
Beer v marathon
Then: men of a certain age tried to prove they were tougher than their peers by drinking them under the table.
Now: they try to outrun, outswim or outrickshaw them, like Gordon “London Marathon” Ramsay, David “Channel” Walliams or James “Edinburgh to London” Cracknell. Is it about the taking part, rather than the winning? US researchers found that men were more interested than women in their final marathon ranking. Or, as Amby Burfoot puts it in the Runner’s World Complete Book of Running, “Men think sports are about beating the other guy.”
Leather v liposuction
Then: men who wanted to look sexier squeezed themselves into leather trousers, the tighter the better: think Rod Stewart.
Now: they consult plastic surgeons. Last year, the number of male breast reduction ops almost doubled, while tummy tucks rose by a fifth and face lifts by almost a quarter. Moob jobs mostly involve liposuction, though sometimes a surgeon will have to remove “excess glandular tissue” as well as fat.
Pony tail v crop
Then: men coped with hair loss by getting a transplant, growing a pony tail or simply combing over whatever was left.
Now: they shave their scalps à la Andre Agassi or Bruce Willis. Those really determined to hold back the years have their heads tattooed with fake stubble. “Cosmetic scalp pigmentation,” says the HIS hair clinic, produces “a natural cropped ‘buzzed’ hair style that is perfect for today’s modern stylish man”.
Real girls v match.com
Then: men worried about their waning attractiveness would hang around nightclubs trying to pick up women young enough to be their daughters.
Now: they hang around online dating sites, trying to pick up women who claim to be young enough to be their daughters. For all they know, they’re old enough to be their mothers. In fact, they may even be their mothers.
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